Under Siege

Dear Esteemed Ministry of Defense,

We, your loyal and dedicated soldiers, humbly request urgent logistical support. Not for ammunition, not for rations, but for something far more critical to the well-being of our unit: toilet paper.

Now, we understand that true warriors must adapt to their environment. We tried. But, unfortunately, nature in these mountains is particularly hostile to certain… delicate operations. There are only needle trees, which, as you may imagine, do not offer the comfort one hopes for in such situations. As for the grass—let’s just say it has all the charm of a razor factory.

Our morale is strong. Our dedication is unwavering. But our backsides? They are under siege.

We therefore submit this official plea for mercy. A small supply drop, a humanitarian airdrop, even a single dignity-saving roll—anything would be appreciated. We promise to fight harder, march further, and never take soft paper for granted again.

With deepest respect (and slight desperation),

Your most loyal, but increasingly uncomfortable, soldiers,
Private Tae-won & Private Ji-ho