Seasonal Art, National Concerns

Dear Local Department of Snowman Administration,

I am writing to report a most impressive achievement in the field of temporary winter sculpture. Yesterday, after many hours of dedicated effort, my friend and I built what might be the most majestic snowman this city has ever seen. Tall, grand, and—dare I say—leaderly in presence. A true masterpiece of frozen engineering.

Now, I understand that regulations on snowmen might be a little loose, but I figured it best to notify you in case our creation causes any… confusion. You see, the likeness is striking. The posture, the noble expression, the way the scarf wraps so naturally around its strong, sculpted form—purely coincidental, of course! But I do worry that we may have unintentionally created a new point of national admiration.

Please advise: Are there formal snowman size restrictions? Should we register this work with the appropriate winter authorities? And, most importantly, do you think we qualify for any awards in the field of patriotic seasonal artistry?

Awaiting your wise counsel,
A humble citizen and enthusiastic sculptor